pith…

So I guess I am going to be doing a little celebrity news and I am all about the celebs that live by the motto “go big or stay home.” Granted that is what they are paid for, being over the top but I love it. You know what also helps cocaine and celebrities love the stuff, but more on that later.

My favorite right now is Britney. Crazy, not crazy. Does it matter? She is potentially sleeping with paparazzi. I would have to believe she likes cheese burgers. (I don’t know if that’s over the top but I like them) She’s in the press all the time for various crazy reasons. Almost everyone on the planet and seen her crotchal (I made this word up and like it so I am going to use it) region plus she is fucking with the minds of America by going to convenience stores and looking at pregnancy tests. US weekly owes the Spears family big. She is a train wreck. I would like her to do better because I am sure we are missing out on others’ mishaps since no one can focus on anything else. The thing is her kids will resent her for not seeing them whether it was the court’s fault or not. Kids have a good capacity to ignore the bizarre (or just not right) for a parent. Moving on because children make me nice. All I really want for Washington’s Birthday (Feb. 18^th – I don’t know, leave me alone) is a change my identity pink Britney wig so I can go to bars a make out with random guys who would sell my underwear if I wore underwear to the first tabloid that can a knockin’.

I can’t ignore what I know will happen soon. Too many celebrities have had or are going to have babies this year. I can’t wait to see who sales the image of their kid first and for the most money. Whether they give the money to charity or hoard it all for themselves who cares. The practice of doing so makes me giddy with the possibilities of reality tv shows that will be on in 16 years.

**Sidebar** I must interrupt my celebrity mocking to say that is sad to hear that Heath Ledger has died. You know it’s sad to think of his 2 year old daughter. I am sure we find out what really happened. **

Now I will now tell you why I believe we have reached the end of television, Celebrity Rehab with Dr. Drew. I am sure he is a fine doctor but you know there is no viable content if I am so excited about this being on television. I will be the first to say that I fascinated to no end by the Hollywood elite. (I guess they don’t have to be in Hollywood) I just don’t think that I (if I were in any spotlight) would decide that television is the right place to clean up my life. That just might be where I get these things all wrong, maybe if I were snorting coke and drinking myself silly (wait I do do that drinking part) I would think tv the place. If you are going to fall, fall hard where everyone can see you. Although I think there were some stupid decisions made here, I will watch them. While being amused (I wanted to say tickled pink but it sounded dirty in the moment).

While thinking of tv, I must say that there is a new show starting called The Moment of Truth. I thought celebrity rehab made me happy. This show hooks people to a lie detector and ask them questions (some times in front of a person they know) in order to make money for the very uncomfortable truth. Love it. Here’s the thing I think I would “truth” everyone for a half a million dollars, just asked me anything. I can’t wait to watch these people squirm.

Well I am going to give it a rest for now but I am full of opinions no one ever asked for and there are tons of celebrities dead or alive to get into, reality television to explore and all the other things that used to deflect my attention from the things happening in my own backyard.

ted.