Selecting a mate is too important to be left to faceless internet services. For only $10,000, one may obtain the personal touches offered by this exclusive “traditional matchmaking” service. Spurred on by this exclusive, intimate approach, we have launched eVanity Hook-R-Up, our own matchmaking service for discerning singles with burning loins and impressive means. Here is a small sample of the testimonials from our clients:
Female (South Bend) “Very impressed with your service. Not only did I find my inner self, but my match Stanley also found my inner self.”
Female (Greenview) “The air of pretension was light and subdued. The sophistication of the clients was truly impressive. I referenced a wine endorsed by my personal sommelier … my match subtly picked up on this signal, grabbed my a$$, and said ‘Let’s go back to the trailer.’”
Male (Detroit) “I hit it.”
Male (Laysville, NC) “Too many small-chested clients.”
Female (Crabcake, MS) “I couldn’t walk right for a week.”
Male (Hicksville, MS) “She blew me at the NASCAR race. That’s how I roll.”
Female (Cunnilingus, SC) “Your matchmaking efforts are truly spectacular. I’ve achieved a higher sphere of intimacy. I found the introduction of role-playing, including, but not limited to, the wearing of a ‘gimp mask’, to be seedy, yet compelling.”
Male (Johnsonville, AL) “For the $10,000 fee, my minimum expectation was a hand job… And breakfast.”
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