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By Jeremy Benishek and Kyle Romeis

Drinking Courvoisier on a random Tuesday night can lead to some random entertaining conversations. But can we truly say that this particular Tuesday night was a “random” night? Or can we say that we had “random” conversation? What about that Tuesday would make it random, and likewise, what about those conversations would make them random?

Random is defined by Merriam Webster as: “without definite aim, direction, rule, or method.” Or, according to American Heritage Dictionary, “having no specific pattern or purpose.” This includes its derivatives, randomly and randomness (but throughout the article, the word random will suffice for our argument).

It’s easy to cower when hearing the multitudes of people who use the word random erroneously. Photo albums on Facebook labeled “random pictures,” people alluding to “their random thoughts,” or that they are proud of their “random acts of kindness.” Why do we enjoy throwing the word random around in conversation to such excess, and why do we think we’re using the word correctly?

It is probable that the word random is misused in conversation far more often than it is used correctly. Because it is so acceptable to use it incorrectly, the word has come to mean something entirely different that what it really means, according to its definition, and its etymology.

As a rule of thumb, two things that can stop us from using random incorrectly are: if you can consciously think something before acting on it or saying it OR if it has definite aim, direction, rule or method, it is not random. This therefore includes random pictures, random acts of kindness and random thoughts, which will now be explained. It also may include other phrases with the word random in it, but we will focus on these.

The photos you just uploaded onto your Facebook page and labeled “random photos” were not chosen at random, unless you threw them up in the air and grabbed each photo from the ground (at random), and scanned them in. Even if you have a photo of a piece of toast, a picture of you in Peru, a picture of Barack Obama, one of your kitten and one of your condo, you still consciously decided to upload these photos onto Facebook (and probably in a specific order). Therefore, the random photos argument can almost always be refuted. They may be weird, and have no order per se, but this does not make them random. These photos could properly be referred to as miscellaneous photos, since they do not all share a common theme or were not all taken at the same location.

Sorry to tell you, but your random thoughts really are not random either because the thought is consciously deliberated on before it is said. It may be a completely absurd or ridiculous thought, but that does not make it random (and just because it popped into your head at that particular moment does not make it random – as all thoughts pop into our heads). If you’re talking politics with some buddies, and someone says, “I’d like a peanut butter and jelly sandwich,” this isn’t random, so much as it is a non sequitur. And although it may sound random to your buddies, it was your fatuous mind that consciously thought it, and therefore it is not random. Random thoughts could properly be referred to as absurd, spontaneous or ridiculous thoughts.

Just as random is misused to express absurdity; it is also used in conversation in the place of other, more suitable words. When a 15 year old, flaky adolescent is sitting around with her friends and says, “I should really curl my hair tomorrow,” and her friend responds, “Oh, random!,” her friend is incorrect. In this case, it is more likely that the comment, made on the spur of the moment, is a spontaneous or compulsive statement. There was not premeditation, nor was there conversation leading up to her words before speaking them. Of course the girls understand each other when they use random because in this context they understand random to mean spontaneous (an example of how random has become more of a slang term).

Lastly: random acts of kindness. A random act of kindness is not a random act because it’s consciously preempted by the motivational drive of knowing that you’re going to engage in the act. Even if someone was drowning as you were on your daily walk – yes you may be able to call it a fairly spontaneous event, but your conscious thought to rescue this person was not (it may have been instinctual, but there was still meditation that went into your decision to rescue this person). The event and outcome may be spontaneous, but to claim that they’re random is once again using random where there are other, more suitable words.

The problem with these phrases is that they are semantically inaccurate. The English language offers a wide-range of words that can be used and make more sense, in the place of the word random. Random pictures, more accurately stated, would become miscellaneous pictures. Random thoughts, more accurately would become absurd, spontaneous or ridiculous thoughts. A random act of kindness, more accurately stated, would become a spontaneous circumstance that led to kindness.

Maybe we should start using words like absurd, spontaneous, ridiculous, baffling, miscellaneous, etc. in place of random. This might help us break the habit of using random wherever we damn well please, particularly where it doesn’t belong.

Good luck.