In a bold sign of thawing relations between the countries, Presidents Barack Obama and Hugo Chavez announced today that the state of Texas would be traded to Venezuela for Jesus Moronta, a slick-fielding, hard-hitting 14-yr-old shortstop phenomenon, cash considerations and an undisclosed amount of raw, premium coca.
Milwaukee, WI 3/22/09 A middle-aged Milwaukee man cannot stop saying fuck after hitting what he claims to be his thousandth pothole. “I am fed up with the fucking potholes in this city,” Raymond Smith said today. “Paying over one-thousand dollars for new shocks, a tire alignment and new brake pads was [...]
In an effort to conserve scarce resources in trying economic times, President Obama has issued an executive order to alter the centuries-old tradition of addressing a joint session of Congress. Both branches of Congress will, instead, be issued only one-hit bongs, marking the first time the joint session has been changed since Theodore Roosevelt’s hookah [...]
Tagged humor, joesmithNothing is quite as appalling as the choosy eater. A grey and white and yellow plate— well done mush, in essence, drives me to spasms. My patience blanches watching a young woman carefully pick every green pea from her tiny platter of airplane provisions. Once at a museum reception I watched a man take a [...]
Tagged Scott Zieher“Human, All Too Human,” a new mega-multiplayer, role-playing game, was recently released by Nietzsche End Games, LLC. The game is wildly addictive and takes many months, even years, for players to complete. In the end, all players fail to kill anyone or complete any defined mission. Then each player dies. Alone.
Tagged joesmith, thought shardsSince Barack Obama came into the political picture, he has reminded me of somebody I looked up to when I was a little kid. At first, I thought he was a combination of Martin Luther King and Bobby Kennedy, both sadly and momentously taken away when I was eight. But, after more reflection, I’ve finally [...]
Tagged humor, politicsUniversity of Wisconsin-Milwaukee Special Collections Librarian Max Yela writes: [The Colonel's Portentous Cat Unsays] is perhaps the most recent and remarkable of invisible books. It follows a long tradition of dream books and stories, from biblical citations of dream-state narratives, to the Hypnerotomachia Poliphili and Shakespeare’s Mid-Summer Night’s Dream, to Gabriel Garcia Marquez’s Eyes of [...]
Tagged Rick KrauseI have come to see the glass as half full, but it’s a dribble glass.
Tagged Uncle HomunculusIt has always seemed to me that life is just killing time between meals. This has recently been confirmed.
Tagged Uncle HomunculusSelecting a mate is too important to be left to faceless internet services. For only $10,000, one may obtain the personal touches offered by this exclusive “traditional matchmaking” service. Spurred on by this exclusive, intimate approach, we have launched eVanity Hook-R-Up, our own matchmaking service for discerning singles with burning loins and impressive means. Here [...]
I have, on occasion, felt a real sense of community. Fortunately, those occasions have been infrequent and brief.
Tagged Uncle HomunculusI know the alphabet. Of course I know the damn alphabet. Nevertheless, I was recently surprised by M’s close proximity to K.
Tagged thought shards, Uncle HomunculusI am the court jester, the maxim molester, sardonic magician deriding tradition. My scepter is a cattle prod. I know my job. I unmask gods.
Tagged Uncle Homunculus